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Relationship Q + A

November 10, 2019

Hey Babes, I’m going to keep this intro short, because this is a long blog post. But here it is, the long awaited relationship blog post, I hope you babes enjoy!

 

 

 

1. How to communicate in an argument:

Communicating when you’re mad is one of the toughest things. Putting aside your anger to try and be patient, present and nice is very challenging as I’m sure you babes know! Here’s our secret...we sleep on things. You know that saying “never go to sleep angry”?  Well, I think it’s total bs. Sometimes you need sleep, sometimes you need time to come around, and usually arguing/getting in a discussion that lasts till 3am does not have a very good outcome. What does is a fresh night of sleep and time to think and then usually you’ll come around and so will they. Here’s what I try to remember when Troy and I are in a heated discussion:

 

    1. Will this matter tomorrow/next week/next month/next year? If no, then drop it and move on. If yes, then approach the situation with care. 

    2. Make it all about “I” statements not “you”. I’m sure you babes have heard of this. Here’s an example of what to do: “I am upset with your choice of words and I’m feeling hurt” not “you are being mean” or “you hurt me” and “you should have done the dishes”. Instead say "I'm feeling overwhelmed with the chores lately, would you mind helping me clean the dishes?"

Making it about yourself and less about them takes them off the defense. Saying “you this and you that” at anyone will immediately put them on the defense, so try more “I” statements next time! 😘

    3. No name-calling!!!! This is huge and we are all guilty of it at some point but it’s immature, toxic and no fun for anyone (whether you’re the one saying it or it’s being said to you). You’ll likely regret what you said anyway, but it’s only making it worse in the middle of the argument. Words can be hurtful, so try to avoid this at all costs because I feel like this is what sticks with you the most when you recall the argument. 

    4. Timing is everything!!! We all fall victim to this, but please for the love of all that is holy, don’t bring up anything you might get in a heated discussion over before an event, a fun night out, a date night, etc! Timing is everything, and of course some things can’t be avoided but arguing when you’re out with friends, hungry, tired or have had a bad day are all things we should try to avoid! Picking the appropriate time is important because it can escalate quick if you’re not in the right frame of mind. 

 

  5. Following are two analogies for you:

 

-Think of your love like a bank - if you’re both depositing money into the account (aka putting in the effort, emotional support, etc) then your account will be full and prosperous. However, if only one of you is putting in and the other is taking out, your funds will be depleted and your love bank will go empty or in overdraft. Both individuals have to put effort in to benefit from a "full love bank".

 

-When you’re fighting one person should try to be the “anchor” or the stable one. If you both jump ship and have an emotional meltdown it’s going to be a lot harder to get back on track. Sometimes you need one person to be the stable “anchor” for the other person and the roles should switch too. One person shouldn’t always be the “anchor”! I hope this makes sense! 

 

At the end of the day be patient with yourself and your boyfriend/girlfriend, etc. and communicate calmly. If things get out of hand, take a moment and try to remember it’s not worth it and bring it back down. Take a breather; go for a walk, grab some food, head to bed, shower, etc. I could go on and on about this, but I hope these tips help!

 

2. Long distance? 

I'm not the biggest fan of long distance, but that’s a personal preference. There are a couple of factors that go into this so let’s break 'em down:

1. Age: being that most of us (I’m assuming) are fairly young, it’s hard to commit to long distance. So, being with someone you can’t see often seems like it wouldn't be worth the stress. Why stay tied down to someone who is so far away? I think I would struggle the most with missing my person and wanting to hang out or do fun things with them. Eventually, something would have to give, as this is definitely not feasible long term. 

2. Consider how long you've been together. The length of time you've invested in the relationship might be worth holding onto! If you just recently met I would honestly advise against it, but again this is personal preference. It’s not bad and you’re not doomed if you decide to try it out! 

 

However, if you’re really set on this person, I say why not. Try it out, you get hurt, you get hurt lesson learned! Nothing is ever a waste of time because you needed to go through everything to be the person you are today. If you’re really in love then why not give it a chance? You might always wonder if you didn’t try. It will take a lot of trust, and you should still maintain a social life and not miss out on things because your person is not there; then that’s when you can become resentful. I’ve never been faced with this decision so I honestly can’t say what I would do, but everyone is different.❤️

Long story short: there’s no right answer for this one; everyone has their own view on long-distance relationships. Some people can make it work and some can’t. I love cuddling and being with my person too much to be ok without it (lol), but some people like having the space, it just depends! I hope this helps! 

 

 

 

3. How you overcame your struggles:

 

There are times where Troy and I wanted to give up because things got hard and we have. BUT, just know that good things take effort. Nothing in life is easy and whether you’re in a relationship or married you know that it takes hard work. It’s worth it though because what you put into your relationship is what you get out of it! I always thought love was supposed to be easy, but that’s just not realistic. Most things worth having aren't easy so why should love be? People are complicated, and our generation can sometimes be too quick to walk away and not want to put the work in when it comes to relationships. Honestly, what helped us overcome our struggles was open communication, seeking advice from people you trust and those whose lives you would actually want to emulate, and being very and I mean very patient with working things through. I think neither of us try to put too much pressure on our relationship because we are young and our focus should be to have fun, work hard, pursue our passions and not let our relationship stand in the way of that. We try to have a healthy balance in prioritizing alone time, being together and of course being with friends. I think it’s important to still be your own person and not get lost in someone else, which easily happens. 

Troy and I have a very unique, deep love and I know everyone says that about their relationship, but if you meet us you will see! We truly love and respect each other so much that we both want what’s best for each other and for each other to be happy. Something else that you might relate to is that there are qualities in him that I lack and vise versa.  I think we can complement each other and greatly benefit from what the other person can bring to the table!

 

I hope you babes enjoyed this, let me know what you think! I would love to do more of these and more relationship blog posts!

All my love,

Samantha

 

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